The real reason behind the rather premature retirement of driving legend Michael Schumacher and that of former Technical Director Ross Brawn has been revealed by an insider (who will become an outsider really, if his identity is revealed). Despite vast media speculation that Michael was pushed out of Ferrari by FIAT President Luca Di Montezemolo and that Ross Brawn followed him out, it appears the real reason is a giant whale…or perhaps even several of them. “Michael retired because he really wanted to go diving with Cetaceans” said the insider (leading to several journalists pulling out their pocket dictionaries in bewilderment), “While Ross could no longer put off his world fishing tour”. It appears they have made plans to meet up in the Kingdom of Tonga, end of 2007, once they have perfected their respective arts. Tonga, we have subsequently learnt, is a whale diving and fishing paradise. It must be pointed out that diving with whales involves a good deal of making like a rock and staying still under water, and the insider remains dubious if Michael will be any good at it. Similarly, it remains questionable as to how much pleasure a man of Ross Brawn’s superior mental skills can sustain by repeatedly outwitting the scaled members of the aquatic species (known for its dumbness).

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