Where would Formula 1 be without former team bosses? I’m talking about those wizened old creatures who left the sport eon’s ago with a few million in their back pocket and Bernie’s boot up their bottom. Those men who have miraculously turned into angels of mercy that just can’t help popping out the woodwork at any given moment, to give their two cents worth and jumping to the aid of the current crop of Formula 1 stars.

Two such paragons of virtue are Peter Sauber and Eddie Jordan, of Sauber and Jordan respectively just in case you were lost in space for the last 10 years.

petersauberpearls.jpgThis week Peter Sauber has been quick to jump to the defence of former prodigy and starlet Kimi Raikkonen. On the back of Kimi’s slightly disappointing turn out in Bahrain, Mr. Sauber has been quick to point out in his eyes Kimi is already one of the fastest grand prix drivers and natural talents in the sport. Therefore the fact he is not particularly interested in the technical aspects of the sport is neither here nor there according to Peter. (Although personally one can’t help but feel a little bit of technical know-how might not go amiss, particularly if it helps him distinguish the difference between the brake and accelerator).

Peter Sauber admits that the reason Felipe Massa has dominated Kimi in pace both in winter testing and into the first few Grand Prix of the season, is due to the fact Felipe has more insight and interest into the technical aspects compared to his Finnish team mate. However, we Ferrari fans should not be concerned at all, because apparently Kimi is “unbelievably fast, focused, committed and powerful”. Riiiiiighhhhttttt……cant be bothered with the technical aspects….yet unbelievably focused and committed? anyone else taking 2 and 2 and coming up with 29? For a man who is so focused…he does a smashing job of looking like he is about to slip into a boredom induced coma at any given second. Here at FFN we love Kimi no honestly we do, but we think he should be spending his energy showing McLaren just who is fastest, rather than saving it for his quick-witted press conference statements.

Not content to leave us mulling over his earlier diatribe to Ferrari about how letting Kimi get bladdered was the key to winning the championship (although we always stupidly assumed you got bladdered after), Eddie Jordan has popped up again. This time to offer his unique insight and pearls of wisdom concerning the fledgling career of one Lewis Hamilton.

jordanpearls.jpgAccording to Eddie, Ron has got it all wrong. Incidentally isn’t that the story of Ron’s life? Eddie has decided that Ron should stop nannying his new rookie Lewis Hamilton in his bid to protect him from the Media. We here at FFN can’t help but think that actually on this occasion Ron is doing the right thing protecting his young starlet.

After all given the slightly over the top media frenzy and hullabaloo that has accompanied the start of Lewis’s fledgling F1 career so far, one can’t help but worry what would happen if the poor lad was left to the attentions of the hacks for too long. Presumably his head would be so far inflated he wouldn’t actually be able to fit into the McLaren garage to get in his car, let alone pop his helmet on.

“Media interviews, through generating interest for fans and exposure for paying sponsors, are the lifeblood of Formula One,” said Jordan.

“So, what was Ron Dennis thinking when he stopped Lewis Hamilton doing interviews on the Melbourne and Sepang grids? Ten other drivers would gladly have done it, and all sponsors would give their right arm for a logo shown in the pre-start minutes.

“And fans certainly wanted to hear F1’s new star, live. I don’t understand what he was being protected from, and it’ll only hurt his profile. Nobody in F1 is too important for ‘trivialities’ like the media. Let’s get this straight: focus on technology and driving all you want, but if nobody’s watching, you ain’t gonna be at it for long.” the Irishman chittered.

What ten drivers might these be then? Presumably the ten towards the back of the grid who want to have a good old gripe about their supermarket trolley of a car live on national tv? e.g. Rubens, Jense and Mark “whingebag” Webber?

Eddie Jordan went on to demand that we get a bit more of Lewis Hamilton on live TV. “We have a right to know more about him” the Irishman quipped. Well I don’t know about you, but having him mentioned every other word is more than enough to last me a lifetime. I really don’t want to get any more intimately acquainted thanks, otherwise I’ll be chanting “Lewis Hamilton” in my sleep and before you could say Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious I’d have been assimilated into the McLaren fanclub against my will.