frontrow.jpgJust in case you didn’t know, yesterday saw the McLaren Mercedes driver duo of Fernando “Eyebrows” Alonso and Lewis “Bling-boy” Hamilton sensationally lock out the front row for the grid for the Monaco Grand Prix (for the first time this season). Whether the McLarens were fuelled lighter and were in fact showboating it is impossible to say, but one really hopes that this does not repeat in the race. Otherwise we could witness a gathering of the shiny slaphead convention on the Monaco podium, if Ron Dennis gets up to claim the constructors winning trophy from Prince Albert of Monaco. Maybe Nando would be kind enough to rent out his eyebrows and save us all from the inevitable glare.

At Ferrari, things were looking a little bit glum. Felipe Massa did well to secure third spot on the grid for today’s race, but the Kimster’s fortune took a turn for the worse by ending up 15th. Unfortunately it seems the poor Finn has been trying to take on board all the criticism that is getting doled out in spades by certain elements of the tifosi, and after months of trying to tell us he isn’t Michael Schumacher decided the best course of action would be to park his car at Rascasse in the second phase of qualifying.

ferraripitwall.jpgBut you know there is no pleasing some people, we have been harping on for months “oh why isn’t he more like Michael?” and the moment he follows suit were back to carping like a bunch of old ladies again. Faces on the Ferrari Pitwall were looking particularly miffed, but we later found out that was because Jean Todt lost his bag of humbugs and couldn’t work out which amongst his staff were the culprit. Head of Track Ops Luca Baldisserri later confirmed that Kimi had actually broken a wishbone on the steering arm of his right front wheel by touching the barriers on the exit to the swimming pool, no doubt because he was too busy admiring his yacht than paying attention to the race track ahead of him.

Renault’s Giancarlo Fisichella secured a magnificient fourth place on the grid next to Felipe Massa, this is a track the young Roman enjoys, however given his propensity to let just about everyone overtake him….we wont be surprised if he ends up driving rapidly backwards through the pack and actually ending up in France by the end of this afternoon’s race. Things did not go so well for team mate Heikki Kovaleinen who got knocked out in the second phase of qualifying and who will start from 14th on the grid.

oldmaninmonaco.jpgIt would seem Red Bull’s Mr.Magoo (DC) has struck again, this time blocking Heikki during the second qualifying session. DC claimed that he was unaware that Heikki was in fact on a hot lap and would have moved out of the way if he had been given that information. Obviously DC thinks people just drive around leisurely on a saturday afternoon for the fun of it, and aren’t actually trying to fight it out for a decent grid position. And what the devil was he expecting a telephone call from Flavio? “Get outta the way my driver eez on a hot lap ya know”.

The stewards subsequently handed out a penalty to the old aged pensioner, preventing him from taking part in the third phase of the qualifying session and preventing any further untoward age-related road safety incidents. David shook his walking stick, fumbled with his grizzled beard and bemoaned the fact the stewards immediately dished out the penalty instead of letting him carry on, but there was the safety of a small principality to think about.

DC will start in 13th spot, just one spot ahead of the man he blocked…so we could be witness to some interesting fisticuffs during the race. Rather worrying really that this man is one of the principle figures in the GPDA and lobbying for driver safety on one hand, while single handedly causing all sorts of mischief on the other.

Nico Rosberg from Williams claimed fifth spot and DC’s team mate Mark Whingebag Webber secured the sixth grid slot. Quite honestly I would love to tell you more, but some cheeky scamp in my household conveniently borrowed my scart lead while I was recording the Qualifying and well….I haven’t got the first darned clue what went on, I could make it up as usual or just shut up for once.

qualifyingtimesheetmonaco.jpg With the prospect of rain looming over this afternoon’s race, it will be interesting to see what happens.

Will Kimi fight his way through the pack to score points? can Lewis beat Alonso off the line? Can Ferrari outwit McLaren at the pitstops? and who will be the first into the barriers? and will Jean Todt ever rumble who stole his humbugs? all of these burning questions will very soon be answered…..just under six hours to go….

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