lucadi.jpgAfter Ferrari’s disappointing turn out in the Monaco Grand Prix, both Ferrari’s CEO Frenchman Jean Toad and President Luca Di Monte-whats-his-name have been adamant that the Scuderia will return to winning ways in two week’s time at the Canadian Grand Prix. Hurrah.

How on earth can the know this we wonder? Have Ferrari invested in a Crystal Ball? it certainly would fit nicely atop that humungous trophy Michael owns….

According to reports in today’s ANSA newspaper, Luca Di knows Ferrari will return to winning ways in Canada…because the Gestione Sportiva boys and girls are working day and night (isn’t that slave labour?). As yet none of them have been outside chanting about their desire to view Luca Di on a tractor as per last month’s industrial fallout at the road car division. So we can only guess the Ferrari President has learnt his lesson from last time and locked them all in until they come up with the goods.

Luca Di went on to vent his spleen diplomatically of course, describing the Monaco Grand Prix…and no…..glamour,excitement, fantastic action….didn’t come into it. According to El Presidento “Monte Carlo is a joke. It’s not even a race, it’s just a TV show”. And not even a very good TV show at that since most of us struggled to remain awake throughout. Although we must concede the McLaren Team Orders Debacle is turning into a bit of a Soap Opera. Not a case of sour grapes in the slightest then from the Scuderia?

jeantodt.jpgWhile Luca Di has been motivating his troops with a crack of the whip, poor Jean Toad has been worrying his socks off about his chances to ever retire from the role of Team Boss. It would seem that Jean’s ideal replacement at the helm of the Gestione is his super-assistant Michael Schumacher. But apparently Michael is having none of it.

Here at FFN we can kind of see why. The job entails spending 12 hours upwards per day sitting at a desk at Maranello sorting out problems and chewing your fingernails down to your elbows, if Jean is anything to go by. Even though Michael has “retired” he seems to be suffering from a case of ‘ants in his pants’, and can’t keep in one country for longer than five minutes let alone the same room. And really working 12 hours upwards a day wouldn’t leave him any time to go building Schloss, swimming with whales, preaching about road safety, turning up at fancy dinners left, right and centre or turning up at Grand Prix willy-nilly to wind up the press to fever pitch. So it would seem the search for the ever-elusive Team Boss goes on…and on….and on…..

While Ferrari have been beavering away in preparation for the Canadian Grand Prix, F1 supremo Bernie Ecclestone has had his wooden spoon out and is merrily stirring up trouble again (completely out of character isn’t it!). This time Bernie has decided to get embroiled within the McLaren Team Orders row for want of any recent political scandals, and is insisting that should the FIA probe find them guilty…then McLaren should receive a draconian punishment.

bernieandmclaren.jpgThe diminutive supremo reckons that the appropriate punishment for McLaren may even exceed the punishment handed out to Ferrari for their Austrian 2002 team orders which saw Rubens Barrichello hand Michael Schumacher the win. At the time Ferrari received a $1 million fine, which really to the likes of McLaren would be loose pocket change. Although we do feel the $1 million would be better spent purchasing Ron some prozac, rather than rattling around the FIA coffers.

Young Bernard believes there is even the possibility of McLaren being excluded from the championship (as if that will ever happen) or the team being deducted points… call me an old cynic but I suspect Bernard is trying to wangle a photo finish end to the season (as it’s good for business to take it to the wire) so it remains to be seen if the 20 points McLaren has over Ferrari in the Constructor’s Championship suddenly and mysteriously get spirited away.

Any decision from the FIA is likely to be based upon the recordings of the McLaren team radio to young rookie upstart Lewis Hamilton during the Monaco Grand Prix. While Ron and his cronies are claiming they are not at all concerned about the probe, and that they have done nothing wrong… wouldn’t be the first time their radio transmissions team orders have got them in some slightly tepid water would it?