Well you could knock me down with a feather. McLaren CEO Ron Dennis has thoughtfully taken time off from combing his hair, smiling benevolently and reading his favourite humourous publication the RED Bulletin in his McLaren Media Centre, to give us his insightful thoughts on his former driver Kimi “Roll-Mops” Raikkonen…how kind.

According to the 60 year old McLaren team boss, he is not enjoying witnessing his former driver enduring a difficult start to his championship at Ferrari in the slightest. Now does that sound like the sneering Ron Dennis we all know and love (I mean loathe)? we demand to know what you’ve done with the real Ron and can we have him back as soon as possible please…because quite frankly this nice-as-pie Ron is just a bit disturbing.

This strange imposter with remarkably similar facial features and semi-permanent disdainful sneer plastered on his mug, went on to ridiculously suggest that he views all of his former drivers still as friends, yup even including Burger-Boy Juan Pablo Monkey-boy who stormed off in a huff to Nascar. Now we know for sure there is something slightly amiss.

“In the end Kimi is a friend, and I’ve seen him struggle with his problems. I see him as a friend and not a competitor, and I don’t spend any time thinking about ‘what ifs’.

“All the guys that have driven for McLaren have given their best, and we’ve tried to give them their opportunity. But the past is the past, the future is the future, and now is now.

“The reality is I don’t spend any time thinking about it, other than seeing a friend in pain gives me no pleasure at all.” quoted the imposter. At which point all the F1 media hacks packed up their bags and went off in search of JV again for some slightly more interesting and vitriolic ‘headline’ type snippets. And had anyone actually see the real Ronster, we believe we last saw him snubbing Kimi prior to a podium ceremony just a few races back…..

Talking of Jacques it seems his latest verbal bashing of Lewis Hamilton has done little to win him friends and influence people in the F1 paddock…not that it comes as any great surprise to us here at FFN (and does he actually have any friends anyway?).

While some people are defending Jacques saying that he is a previous World Drivers Champion and ought to be respected for his opinions, the rest of the planet it would seem has recognised the fact that as soon as a microphone is popped in front of his mush a whole lot of verbal garbage spews forth like a vast tidal wave threatening to engulf us all, including a few peeps from the paddock.

When asked about Lewis supposedly ‘chopping’ Schumacher-style at the start of races, most drivers questioned seem to not notice anything particularly amiss in his behaviour and purely put it down to ‘racing’. Just going to show not everyone in F1 is a drama queen with a penchant for hissy-fits and grudges that go on for the best part of a decade.

Quick Nick Heidfeld from BMW-Sauber (JV’s ex team-mate) who has for the most part started behind Lewis on the grid so far this season, claims to have not noticed anything untoward “I’ve not seen anything from in the car or also when I have watched the races on television afterwards – although I haven’t focused specifically on him,” he said when asked about Villeneuve’s comments.

“I definitely didn’t see anything…have you seen anything?” whether this is because Nick can’t see past his Chewbacca style beard is impossible to say, but the German seems to be of the impression the young Rookie has not done anything so very terrible.

Even Red Bull’s Mark Webber who works for the GPDA (Grand Prix Drivers Association) says that although Lewis’s starts were a little aggressive and cheeky, they had not overstepped the mark of what was considered acceptable. And thats from a man who according to his fans, tells it like it really is (and is not a whingebag in the slightest).

Williams driver Alex Wurz thought that JV’s comments had more to do with Jacques struggling to keep himself in the limelight (and how many records has he sold yet? has it got past 10?) than to do with Lewis’s driving and commented that he thought it would be harder and harder for the previous World Champion to find things to make comment on in future…we can live in hope Alex, we really can (and a reel of duct tape might be of great assistance if you could do the honours).

And lastly quote of the day falls to Giancarlo Fisichella, who bless him really is the master of understatement when out of the car “Jacques says quite a lot of things in the media right now. He talks too much.” I am very ‘appy to agree with you Giancarlo.