dip-dab-monster.jpgWell old Nigel Stepney is a popular man, today eh? Just in case you were snoring yesterday and missed it, our Nige has got himself in some slightly tepid water with his pals at Ferrari, who have launched a criminal investigation against him while he is still employed with the team.

Conveniently (and isn’t it always the way with these things) our Nige is away on holiday and can’t be reached, so its a little difficult for Autosport to get hold of him and find out just what he’s been up to of late, apart from annoying Ferrari of course.

If rumours are true, it would seem Nige is still harbouring a bit of a grudge about the fact he was not promoted to the role of Technical Director, when Ross Brawn took his fly-fishing sabbatical jaunt with J.R.Hartley. Would this be motivation enough to commit some fiendishly foul deeds? I mean what man in his right mind would want the job anyway? It makes your hair go rapidly grey from what we can tell….

According to Ferrari’s Jean Todt, Nigel is being investigated for his ‘behaviour’ rather than for an ‘event’. We can only assume from this cryptic message, that the investigation relates to more than one single isolated occasion of misdemeanours (e.g. stealing next doors potted plants when your slight inebriated). So that’s probably a lot of pot plants missing, and probably the odd garden gnome as well for good measure.

The Italian Media (so have a liberal dose of salt to hand) are reporting that the investigation relates to events that took place prior to the Monaco Grand Prix (no not Kimi parking at Rascasse Schumacher-esque style). According to the Gazzetta Dello Sport and Ansa News Agency, a quantity of mysterious white powder was discovered around the fuel ports on Kimi and Felipe’s race cars prior to the vehicles being transported to Monaco. According to said same reports, samples of the mysterious white powder were taken and sent off for forensic analysis, and the police informed. It is expected the sample analysis will be completed shortly, when the scientists involved stop laughing hysterically that is.

Of course you know the Italian Media, they like to make something sensational out of something mundane, and before we know it Kimi and Felipe’s cars were liberally smothered in White Nasal Candy. Evidently the fingers did not point to either of the drivers, because Kimi was still performing just the same with a face like a wet weekend, and Felipe had been baby-sat 24/7 by his mentor Michael Schumacky.

dip-dab.gifIt is then thought a thorough search of the Gestione Sportiva ensued, whereby an incriminating open packet of Sherbet Dip-Dab was found tucked under a copy of F1: Jobseekers Weekly on one Mr.Stepney’s desk. At which point we believe our Nige was told to pick a window and go on holiday through it.

To complicate matters further (if media reports are to be believed) it would appear our Nige, is thought to have been selling Ferrari secrets on the side to fund his ever increasing Sherbet Dip-Dab habit. Although it is not yet known which team he has been supposedly selling them to, speculation across Internet Forums is suggesting either McLaren or Honda. One has to wonder if it is Honda, should they be demanding their money back, as it doesn’t appear to have done them any good in the slightest. And of course McLaren being so law abiding and fair, would not indulge in such hateful espionage against their most bitter rivals would they?

Of course at this point it is all pretty much speculation, and next week will probably find out the truth of the matter. That Nigel probably absconded with Jean Todt’s trusty red sweater intent on putting it into a washing machine, and the mysterious white powder is in fact Surf Washing Detergent… a most dastardly crime.

While Ferrari seem to be struggling under the weight of an internal investigation, McLaren are struggling to keep their house in order as well, although we can report no Sherbet Dip-Dab is involved in the Woking Team.

nandothinks.jpgAfter several media reports recently, where it has appeared that a full on spat is brewing between the two McLaren drivers, Lewis Hamilton and Fernando Alonso have moved to put a stop to all the silly name calling and mind games that have been ever present of late. According to Lewis, speaking at a Vodafone promotional event yesterday in London, the drivers have called a Media Truce. (Although we give it a week before they forget it).

Apparently they have agreed behind closed doors that they will only talk about each other to the media in front of the other, so their team mate is fully aware of what names they are being called there and then. Rumour has it the pair have even purchased a Spanish/English Alternative Dictionary between them, so they can learn some naughty words in each others languages.

We hate to be pedantic, but at the point when Lewis was discussing all of this cunning plan with the Media, Alfonso was not present….so it’s got off to a flying start then! Let the games begin!

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