According to reports that have surfaced in this week’s motorsports media, Ferrari President Luca Cordero Montezemolo (Or Luca Di Tractor Man as we affectionately know him) has been hoping for the real Kimi Raikkonen to return.

thesmilingimpostor.jpg“We are waiting for the real Raikkonen, the one that everyone fears,” Luca Di apparently told Italy’s Gazzetta dello Sport newspaper. “Michael has said that Kimi and Fernando [Alonso] were his toughest rivals and Alonso has said the same about Raikkonen and Schumacher. Kimi has always been in the fight and now we are waiting for him to go back to being the one that everyone fears – and we are convinced that he will do it.” whittered the Ferrari President.

Of course you know here at FFN reports like this only get the cogs grinding round. Firstly if Ferrari are hoping for the real Kimi to return, we are wondering where exactly has the original one been all this time, on vacation to the moon?

Secondly, just who is this impostor who has been pretending to be Kimi since he joined the Scuderia? We have to admit in hindsight, we had found the fact the current Kimi has let slip a few smiles on occasions very suspicious indeed (especially for someone who looks so dead-pan). But on ‘face value’ we were just accepting Stefano Domenicali’s explanation that he had been told to smile more as part of his contract. Mind you if I was getting paid a reported $50 million, I don’t think I would go around permanently with a face like a wet weekend either.

One other thought, did the real Kimi ever have any of his rival F1 drivers cowering with fear in their garages? We could understand if people were a little frightened of say Michael Schumacher, presumably because you never knew if he was going to hunt you down all race then drive you off into the gravel to steal your championship points.

One could also understand if one was a little afraid of Alfonso Eyebrows. The man is a walking hissy fit about to happen at any moment, and you’d never be quite sure when the rattle could come flying out the pram and bop you straight on the forehead. But Kimi, striking fear into the hearts on his rivals? What with his ability to systematically detonate an engine at will? We are shaking in our boots.

It would seem Nigel Stepney has not been the only one at Ferrari on the Sherbet Dip-Dab.

ournigeagain.jpgTalking of which, our Nige has popped out the woodwork today to defend himself. Currently on holiday in the Philippines with his family, Nige has said he has every confidence the investigation currently taking place back in Italy will clear him of any wrongdoing.

According to Nige, he found out about the investigation through the internet whilst holidaying, and is a little baffled while people are claiming he is uncontactable when Ferrari knew exactly where he was going on holiday.

Nigel went onto claim the investigation is part of a dirty tricks campaign by Ferrari to smear his name, although presumably if you had been up to anything just a little bit naughty you’d be a bit of a buffoon to admit as much to the media wouldn’t you?

According to Nige’s Lawyer, there is a possibility of a press conference being held when Nige returns to Italy so he can answer publicly any of the charges laid at his door. It still remains to be seen exactly what Ferrari are accusing our Nige of, apart from wanting to abscond off to Honda that is.

We can’t wait for the next thrilling instalment of the Ferrari versus Our Nige public handbag slinging debacle.

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