Here at FFN, you know we do have a bit of a tendency to make stuff up on occasion, purely for a little bit of mischievous fun of course. So as you can imagine this week we are a little hard pushed to better current events, sometimes truth is more fantastical than fiction.
Little did we suspect that when Ferrari’s Nigel Stepney swanned off on his jollies to Asia, all hell would break loose. Usually the most we can expect to hear is Fernando Alonso complaining how McLaren favour his team mate over him because of his nationality. Or Rubens Barrichello still complaining about his years at Ferrari serving as Michael Schumacher’s Lapdog, and Mark Webber commenting on just about everything that goes on everywhere else like he is some kind of duracell-powered omnipotent expert.
This week we are obviously being spoilt rotten. We started off believing that Ferrari’s Nigel Stepney had swanned off on his jollies to Asia with Jean Todt’s ever-present red sweater firmly ensconced in his suitcase, I mean why else would Ferrari start an investigation about theft?
However, it wasn’t long before more disturbing facts started worming their way out of the woodwork. It began on Monday morning with the news that our Nige had been dismissed by Ferrari, a tad stringent for borrowing a Ferrari team sweater we thought…even though we know Jean can’t bear to part from it.
It quickly became apparent that the whole fiasco wasn’t simply related to some temperamental fisticuffs between Nige and the Scuderia crew. Apparently McLaren’s Chief Designer Mike Coughlan was implicated as well, with the Brit’s home being searched as part of the legal investigation.
It is not known for sure what was found in Mike’s home, apart from a collection of dust bunnies under the bed, too many tea-bags in the kitchen sink and a copy of ‘Ferrari Bedtime Stories’ tucked under his pillow.
It seems our Nige, who has long been a friend of Mike, heard his friend was having many sleepless nights over McLaren’s early season performance and kindly decided to donate Mike some soothing sleep-inducing bedtime reading to combat the afore mentioned case of insomnia. How kind of our Nige.
Unfortunately it seems Ferrari did not take too kindly to our Nige’s actions, as really it is Ferrari’s job to make sure every McLaren employee gets as little sleep as possible in the championship battle, in the hope that sooner or later they might build a Mcboomer again. No wonder Jean Todt looks like he could spit teeth.
Ferrari not happy at all for their copy of ‘Goldilocks and the three bears’ to have slipped into the hands of the enemy, have issued legal proceedings against both Nige and his insomniac pal at McLaren. Definitely a lot of sleepless nights ahead now we presume.
It would seem that on hearing that Ferrari are not best impressed, McLaren have sought to deny all knowledge of the sordid tale. The team yesterday issuing a statement that Mike had been suspended pending a full investigation into what sort of shenanigans he has been up to. According to McLaren, their Chief Designer was acting alone, and none of the bedtime stories passed across to him in the 500-page dossier have been read by any other team member.
No doubt we all just fell out of the sky yesterday. Watch out, Chicken Little.
Now it seems the FIA are getting embroiled in the saga as well, no doubt they have had very little to do since the last hissy-fit in a pan about flexi-floors. A good ‘espionage drama’ is a sure fire way to get some excitement back into the sport. Well its not like there is actually much in the way of overtaking is there?
McLaren it seems have sought to allay Ferrari’s worst fears, claiming to have carried out a full investigation already. Which in one day is very efficient you will agree, but with a control freak for a boss would you expect any less?
McLaren have apparently invited the FIA to come and inspect their vehicles to prove they have not borrowed any of Ferrari’s ideas. But considering it took the FIA nine months to identify and ban Mass Dampers, the season will be over and the pots will have been won before they have even a half-arsed clue what the devil they are looking for.
With our Nige due to return to Italy at any time, the drama just keeps rolling on, and no doubt more will emerge in the coming days. That’s if he doesn’t get lynched by a rather cross man on a tractor first.