Ron Dennis is no doubt a man of many talents, but his ability to spout mind boggling bilge at a moment’s notice is perhaps a rare and unique talent that is rather exclusively his. He would have us believe that Lewis Hamilton has attained nirvana in the course of racing McLaren cars, and is now the enlightened one. “The driver in our team must have real mental focus and commitment. Lewis has nothing material to think about” says Ron (the part time spiritual guru), “He must appreciate that several people facilitate his life. Expectation and anticipation are not in his daily thought process”. Well, really! And there’s more about half the grid being filled with “useless drivers”, teams being “small, highly trained armies”, “human emotions” (though Lewis is clearly beyond them) and what not, but I wouldn’t want to bore you silly. 

kimigorilla.jpg By the way, if you happen to spot a gorilla pottering about the paddock, don’t be too alarmed…it’s probably just Kimi Raikkonen. Though if you attempt to tug at the head gear and it doesn’t come off easily you will be well advised to leg it. According to reports, when Kimi is not racing snowmobiles pretending to be James Hunt, he is attending boating events in Hanko pretending to be a human gorilla. He was found out after someone noticed the brown gorilla had entered its name in the event as “James Hunt”. Further proof came when the gorilla attached a rope wrongly and someone yelled out “Kimi, don’t put it like that”. The final confirmation was when the gorilla was spotted entering the boat carrying a crate of Finlandia vodka. And just when he thought Jean Todt would never come to know…

Willi Weber, manager of F1 legend Michael Schumacher, might have numerous sterling qualities, but tact is clearly not one of them. It is quite possible that he might have irked Colin Kolles a bit by saying “I would never put one of my drivers in a Spyker. Nico (Hulkenberg) does not need a fast Formula 1 debut”. That is kind of funny because if Nico doesn’t want a “fast” F1 debut, I would have thought Spyker is about ideal. And Colin is by nature a rather patient man (what? He wouldn’t be running Spyker otherwise), but he will be justified in wondering why Weber didn’t just turn down the drive privately, instead opting to make a song and dance out of it to the media. “I will never cooperate with Weber” swears Colin, which you have to admit is a rather lame comeback, but still one has to empathize with the man. All this is no doubt the Lewis Hamilton effect, which has everyone thinking that unless you debut in a Ferrari or a McLaren and rake in a dozen consecutive podiums immediately – you are not worth the trouble. Fernando Alonso spent his debut year in a Minardi being lapped by all and sundry, and he hasn’t turned out too shabbily I would think, what with two consecutive WDCs and all that.

And then there is this other team yet to score a point this season – yes, STR. Well, I bet at least in Spyker you don’t get punched around for finishing last in what is a turkey cleverly posing to be a race car. And this is what Sebastian Vettel seems to have missed out on, now that it has been confirmed Scott Speed will race in Hungary. Clearly when Speed said “I will never drive for those two (Berger and Tost) again”, he didn’t mean it as in “never ever” but just “never in the next two days”. But Vettel took it too literally and was consequently disappointed – “Just as soccer players want to play, race drivers want to race”. Rather an interesting way to state the obvious. Considering the chap seems rather obviously talented, maybe a better race drive awaits.

Five days to go for the Hungarian GP. Forza.