You will be pleased to know that following a rather sternly worded communication sent by us to our dear Max, he has replied agreeing to do the needful and refer the Ferrari/McLaren espionage scandal to the FIA Court of Appeal. FFN is glad to have been of some assistance in this matter. Now all we need to do is to wait patiently till August before the matter is brought to a conclusion.

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Our Letter to Max

Dear Max,

Hope all is well at your end. How’s the family? Here things go on as usual, except that the FFN staff members have all been afflicted with a dull, throbbing headache of late what with the blessed McLaren/Ferrari espionage scandal dragging on and on. This dashed nuisance must now cease – and we must all know one way or the other. Did McLaren know about the stolen documents? Did Ferrari leak the Coughlan affidavit? When Coughlan admitted to receiving the documents from Stepney, did he mean Nigel Stepney, Former Ferrari employee? If so, what the deuce is Stepney prattling on about being “cleaner than clean”? Or was that Norbert Haug? Oh well, you get the general picture. ..I can’t think too well with a headache.

Of course we must remind ourselves frequently there is some on-track action as well in the middle of it all, like the upcoming Hungarian GP. Though all this talk about Stepney, Coughlan, espionage and secret dossiers was a welcome distraction earlier from the constant Hamilton extolment that was giving us ear-bleeds (incidentally, would you like to order for a pair of LH-BlockAid? We will even give you a 10% discount! One day only!), we actually think we prefer ear-bleeds to headaches. So could you please stop mucking around and bring this matter to a speedy resolution? We say ‘speedy’ because speed is really of essence here – we fear for the sanity of the Ferrari personnel. Even ‘Iceman’ Raikkonen was recently spotted prancing about in a boat donning a gorilla suit. How long do you think it is going to be before we open the sports page only to read “Todt thinks he is a bat, wants to hang upside down from ceiling”? Yes, that would be the same man who said “I like Max” with a straight face just a few years back. Is this the way to repay him? To drive him up the wall literally and figuratively?

And when we say ‘act’, we don’t mean comic relief like that verdict from the extraordinary meeting. No more guilty-without-penalty or innocent-with-penalty farcical decisions please, if it is not too much trouble. Just so we get the ABCs of trial verdicts covered – a person (or people) accused of a misdemeanor can be either guilty or not guilty (and you have to believe me here – these are the only two options in this case). Guilty people usually face penalties. Now could you be a sport and refer this matter to the FIA Court of Appeal under Article whats-the-number of the FIA Statutes? Please do ping us when you do. Give Bernie our love.

Cheers,
The FFN Team

Max’s Reply to Us

Dear FFN Team,

It’s all well for you to say you have a dull headache, but I bet it is nothing compared to the migraine I am enduring here on a daily basis. It is only after I announced the darned extraordinary meeting that I realized I had placed myself in the perfect Catch 22 situation. If I said McLaren is guilty, then Hamilton fans would be baying for my blood, and if I said they are not…we all know the tifosi can be a boisterous bunch. I must admit that my first impulse was to cancel the meeting and leg it out of the country. But I felt a verdict of guilty without any associated penalties would satisfy both crowds…and maybe in retrospect it was a rather silly idea.

I would be most disturbed if Todt (or Kimi Raikkonen for that matter) ended up in a padded cell over this issue, but to be brutally honest – rather them than me. As it is, it seems like I cannot step out for a minute without someone from my organization mouthing off to the media and perpetrating irreparable damage. There is this chap who doesn’t realize the jury is not supposed to pass out premature verdicts without seeing a shred of evidence, and there is this other chap who apparently doesn’t understand the meaning of ‘unanimous’.

I wish I hadn’t convened the extraordinary meeting so hastily, but now the damage is done. I will be darned if I am going to sit here and address all the “fan mail” that is now pouring in from all quarters. So yes, I will refer this matter to the FIA Court of Appeal under article…erm…hold on…23.1, and will be glad to be rid of the responsibility. I wish you all the best in your endeavors.

Regards,
Max

PS: No, I don’t wish to place any darned order for LH-BlockAid.

That’s that then. Forza.

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