niceshorts.jpgWell it had to happen sooner or later, if rumours in the German Media are anything to go by.

This weekend it has been confirmed that German 7 times World Champion Michael Schumacher has finally had enough of supposedly taking over control of half the F1 pitlane on a daily basis, and has instead joined up with a karting team instead. The KSM karting team as it is known (as it incorporates the initials of the three shareholders) hails from Michael’s home town of Kerpen.

The German superstar apparently commenting “I never lost my love for karting and that’s why I really enjoy joining this team and working with them.”

Presumably it’s also a little cheaper to run a karting operation than a Formula 1 team, and then the added bonus that the children involved will no doubt be better behaved, have less public hissy-fits and a significantly older mental age than some of F1’s current incumbants….and if not you can always confiscate their pocket money.

No doubt this development will mean Schumi has less time to stand around in the Ferrari Scuderia Team Garage at Grand Prix looking like a very expensive spare part.

Here at FFN we believe this unexpected development will actually come as good news to a certain Flying Finn. The Kimster apparently had us all believing he became paralysed with fear everytime Michael set foot in the Garage, which was a convenient excuse should the Kimster take an impromptu nap on race day and wake up to realise half the grid had overtaken him.

kimilooksonindisbelief1.jpgThe actual the truth of the matter is Kimi’s strange paralysis occurred as a result of the surprise and horror generated every time Michael popped up. Not because of the awe his 7 world championships and humungous pot collection afforded, but as a result of the never-ending bizarre fashion statements the German superstar delighted in making.

No wonder Kimi’s eyes always look so watery.

Meanwhile, it seems Willi Weber (Michael’s former Manager) has very little to do these days apart from counting his mountains of cold hard cash. Weber has taken to dishing out advice and his views on the world as he sees it to just about any poor soul with two working eardrums.

The poor misfortunate poppet that has attracted Weber’s attention this week, is none other than Double World Champion Fernando Alonso.

According to Weber, Nando has reacted very badly this season to the situation he has found himself in at McLaren. Instead of keeping his cool and shifting up a gear in response to the challenge from his young team mate, apparently poor Nando’s image has suffered as a result of his petulant behaviour.

Weber points to his former charges conduct as the gold standard, commenting that Michael always acted correctly despite some fierce rivalries on track and with his team mate’s. We can only assume that in fact there has always been two Michael Schumachers all along, the golden-booted goody-two-shoes that never put a foot wrong, indulged in most gentlemanly conduct on track and never got involved in dodgy manouevres and the other one….the one Ferrari rolled out the broom cupboard on occasion to annoy the hell out of everyone else including his team mate.

Far be it from us here to comment that Weber is really talking through his hat as per usual.

coulthard.jpgIn other news, Formula 1 veteran David Coulthard has today revealed that he suffered from the eating disorder bulimia during his early racing career. The Scotsman confirming that during his teenage years he used to make himself vomit after eating in order to keep his weight down, apparently to negate the weight difference between himself and his racing rivals.

Obviously the FFN staff are shocked and saddened to hear that DC felt under such intense pressure to have suffered from this problem, and hope that he is eating properly now…we wouldn’t want to lose him down the gaps in a manhole cover at any of the race tracks. (Although if he fancied pushing Bernie down one, we wouldn’t object).

We can only praise David for being so forthright on what can be a difficult subject to talk about, and hope that this encourages other youngsters with the disorder to come forward and seek help.

We can only think this frank admission may lead to others shocking revelations pouring out the F1 closet; Kimi and his addiction to roll-mop herrings, What Jean Todt keeps under his red sweater, Fisichella having tourettes syndrome, Ron Dennis’s penchant for swallowing dictionaries and Flavio Briatore’s inability to act his age let alone his shoe size.

6 days to go until the Turkish GP….

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