by-the-powers-of-the-force-these-sunglasses-will-come-off.jpgWhat a talented chappie Fernando Alonso is. Not only has he won 2 World Driver Championships in F1, an Oscar for his post race podium performances, but he is apparently a skilled Jedi-Master as well.

Before you think I have completely lost the plot let me explain.

According to a recent report on the internet, Michael Schumacher’s (The Red Baron) 2006 Formula 1 season was apparently sabotaged. A report on the internet penned by a journalist (note I used this term loosely) has suggested that the technical failures suffered in the last 2 races of the 2006 season maybe a result of sabotage.

This journalist apparently suggests that in the light of Ferrari exposing Nigel Steppers not only as a spy but a saboteur to boot, it is pretty evident the two technical failures in Japan and Brazil 2006 were not untimely and unfortunate technical glitches as we all assumed, but the work of a campaign to ensure Mr Schumacher did not get away with his 8th large title pot.

You may well wonder what the deuces this has to do with McLaren’s Fernando Alonso…so let me enlighten you. According to this said same journalist, there has been one beneficiary all along from Ferrari’s misfortunes….firstly at Renault last season, then this season at McLaren thanks to the selfless acts of a certain Mr.Steppers.

Here at FFN we can only conclude that Mr.Alonso must indeed have special powers if he is able to so easily brainwash rival teams engineers to do his evil bidding, too bad his Jedi-mind tricks don’t seem to have worked on his own team “You will make me number 1 driver and get rid of this upstart”, “no we won’t” well you get the idea….presumably this is just evidence that the McLaren CEO does in fact have a cabbage instead of a brain.

hello-ron-have-i-got-the-drive-yet.jpgIt seems Alonso’s influential powers do not stop there. No indeed it would seem Renault’s test driver Nelson Piquet Jnr has strangely succumbed to the diva-ish ways of the Spaniard. The Renault test driver apparently issuing a statement this week insisting that no backmarker teams need bother approaching him to offer him a drive for 2008, because he will only agree to drive for a top team where he can collect points on a regular basis like Lewis Hamilton.

We can’t help thinking that as a test driver with zero F1 race starts to your name, your not really in the greatest position to start making demands and throwing rejections about before you’ve even been offered a car. But what would we know, having hissy-fits, swanning about with a huge entourage and being a bit snooty seems to be all the rage these days in F1.

Even Ralf Schumacher, (yes the less successful brother) has reportedly scoffed at the idea of being offered a drive with backmarkers Scuderia Torro Rosso next year, despite rumours that he could be on the way out the back door of the sport. Ralfie apparently suggesting he might have succumbed to the idea 12 years ago, but not now. STR Team Boss Gerhard Berger commented that although no official offer was made he accepted that Schumacher would find it hard to return to a team like STR. It’s quite baffling really, it’s not like Toyota are doing so fabulously well either….but we are guessing they are at least stupid enough to pay him huge sums of money.

dolmabahce-palace.jpgMeanwhile in Turkey, tomorrow (thursday) there is an F1 stageshow scheduled to take part at the Dolmabahce palace. 11 of the F1 drivers are scheduled to attend for a photo session and to answer questions. The event is open to both the public and the media.

Not quite what we call a stageshow, we were expecting at least some singing, dancing and to see Felipe Massa wearing a dress….but you can’t have it all I suppose.