fiatruck.jpgThe gospel according to the pint-sized megalomaniac midget Bernie Ecclestone, is that the McLaren Mercedes F1 team will again escape the rap over their involvement in F1’s current espionage saga.

The FIA Court of Appeal hearing due to be held on September 13th will be convened to allow all interested parties (including those outside Ferrari) to put forward their evidence and chip in their 20 cents regarding the current espionage debacle, which had not happened at the initial FIA farce.

However F1 supremo Bernie believes that unless you have evidence of “the guy with the shooter in his hands, pulling the trigger” there is not really a lot that can be done about it. Here at FFN we can only assume that Bernie is suggesting that we need photographic evidence, perhaps of Ron perched on his porcelain throne having a thorough perusal of Ferrari Secret Documents. Sadly for Ferrari, but probably fortunate for the rest of us poor souls, none such evidence is thought to exist…. And who in their right mind would want to take a look anyway?

So it would seem Ferrari will have to do their fighting on the track instead, or hope for the McLaren driving duo to do everyone a favour and punch each others lights out. Of course I can’t really see Alonso being a fist-fighter…he probably can carry off a pretty mean girly slap though, and what would Lewis do? Pop a cap in his team mates a***?

Of course McLaren would have us believe all is now harmonious with their camp after keeping their drivers away from the Instanbul race circuit throughout all of Thursday, to convene a special peace talks meeting.

lewis-and-nando-plot.jpgUnconfirmed rumours have suggested that UN Secretary General Kofi Annan was flown in wearing full body armour by the team, to mediate between Lewis and Fernando should any untoward situations arise. The team initially met with each driver separately first, Ron presumably talking at length until he was sure each of the poor poppets would agree to just about anything to stop his incessant multi-syballic chatter.

Reports suggest Lewis and Fernando then met up again for the first time since Hungary in the team Hotel, where eye witnesses last saw them heading to the Hotel Bar plotting how to dispose of their boss in the Bosphorous.

Obviously in slightly talkative mode this week, Bernie lambasted McLaren’s tactics at keeping the drivers away from the circuit claiming the move was bad for Formula 1. Presumably Bernie being concerned that with no handbags at dawn going on down the pitlane; F1 wouldn’t be making any sensationalist front-page tabloid news this week.

Meanwhile a new scandal could be about to hit F1, if reports from the German Media are to be believed. No, its not what your thinking Michael Schumacher hasn’t been arrested for crimes against good taste and fashion…not this week anyway.

thegreatpsychicmassa.jpgApparently the latest scandal revolves around little Brazilian poppet Felipe Massa, who reportedly knew the exact punishment McLaren would receive at Hungary from the Race Stewards for their little pitlane queuing contratemps.

According to the German Media reports, Felipe mentioned to two reporters that Alonso would be demoted five spots down the grid and McLaren unable to gain any constructor points in Hungary, some 50 or so minutes before the Race Stewards had even come to a decision.

If this report is to be believed, Felipe is either a very clever psychic (is there anyone in the pitlane without a pair of spandex tights and super powers these days?) or has an inside contact the FIA.

If it is the former we are a little bemused how he could so accurately predict the outcome of the stewards decision before it had been made, yet hadn’t the first darned inkling his team were going to conveniently forget to refuel him during the qualifying session earlier that day.

If it is the latter, then that old ‘FIA favour Ferrari’ chestnut is going to get wheeled out in all its glory once more. I’m in favour of the second, but only because I don’t think I could bear to see Felipe’s spindly little legs crammed into shiny red tights – it’s enough to make anyone’s eyes water.

One other possibility does comes to mind…perhaps the two reporters involved were incapable of reading their wrist-watches accurately due to considerable consumption of Kimi’s rocket fuel, and therefore they are making an imaginary mountain out of a molehill yet again.

Finally one last snippet of news, Uncle Ross (Brawn) has been in talks with the Ferrari team recently concerning a possible return to the Maranello outfit. According to Ferrari’s Press Spokespersonage Luca Colajanni initial talks have taken place but no decisions have yet been made…presumably another vague do what you like, and we haven’t even got a title for it job coming right up.

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