imnotpisshhheeeeedddddd.jpgWith less than 48 hours to go before 2008 dawns on us all (depending on how quickly some of us recover from a Finlandia Vodka induced comatose vegetative state) naturally here at FFN we felt it was about time to pull our fingers out and turn our attention to the prospects for the formula 1 year ahead. And really had absolutely nothing to do with the persistent nagging that went on in some quarters for us to update, no honestly, it didn’t.

2007 was a year of over indulgence, gossip, treachery, scandal and surprises – and that was just what went on here at FFN, without taking into account the pantomime the F1 season turned into. But really we shouldn’t dwell on the past, as we have an exciting new shiny season just around the corner and much to look forward to….

So what exciting prospects do we have in store apart from the obvious ’round 2′ of Rookie versus Champion toys-out-of-pram Chucker?

According to recent reports in the media, Ferrari will be unveiling their new challenger on Sunday 6th January. It is believed that the 2008 car will have a shorter wheelbase than the previous year’s entry, while the rest of the grid have apparently opted to go in the other direction (well not literally but you know what I mean). De-ja-vu anyone?

Rumour has it that in 2009 Ferrari are considering sending Luca di Montezemolo out on track on a unicycle wearing a tutu – just to see how many teams down the paddock catch on to that one (as long as it’s not Flav in his speedo’s please!). Whether Luca would still be faster than a Honda remains to be seen.

Talking of the Ferrari President, it is understood from recent communications in the media that he is a great admirer of the McLaren F1 team and is eagerly anticipating the Woking based team to produce something very fetching with a high degree of red on, just to please him. Luckily for LdM he won’t have long to wait, as McLaren will unveil their car the following day in Stuttgart at Mercedes HQ. Presumably the 24 hour delay giving the McLaren boys just long enough to remove any made in Maranello stickers should the FIA’s beady little eyes swivvel in their general direction for the umpteenth time.

lamppost-lewis.jpgInitially the Woking-based team were not going to indulge in a lavish car launch, presumably on account that Max Mosley had stripped them of their pocket money for misbehaviour.

But we have subsequently learnt the reason why Ron Dennis has been so very quiet over the winter, he has been fastidiously baking home made vol-au-vents and sausage rolls inside Paragon to ensure Cinderella (aka Lamppost Lewis) can go to the ball after all. That’s assuming Lewis can find his way out of Switzerland without walking into any more inconviently placed street furniture.

Other news from the Scuderia sees Sporting Director Stefano Domenicali replacing Jean Todt as Team Principal, presumably though only on the days when Schumi is off playing football or performing in the race of champions and accidentally stalling on the start line like a true pro.

A Ferrari Spokesman has confirmed that Jean Todt’s role as team principal was only ever in an interim capacity, until the right man could be found for the job. And really has nothing to do with the fact Michelle Yeoh is reportedly sick to the back teeth of him being glued 24/7 to his desk wearing that ever-permanent red sweater (sweater being the operative word – eeewww). According to unconfirmed rumours Michelle was last seen behind the Gestione Sportiva jovially torching the afore mentioned red sweater in a burnt out Shell oil drum. Poor Jean, well Zorro wasn’t quite himself without his stupid face mask was he?

force1india.jpgMeanwhile in other news, newly renamed backmarkers Force 1 India will be employing the help of a renowned Bollywood actor in their launch and advertising campaign. Naturally this will go down a storm with the mechanics who instead of rebuilding a ‘Spyker’ on a Saturday evening will be enjoying a curry and some tiger beer, followed by a couple of men dressed in silly colourful outfits hamming it up for entertainment. All apparently paid for out of the $10 million sponsorship funds Fishyfella is bringing with him, allegedly, supposedly. What a kind chap. Nothing ever changes in F1, does it?

Tune in soon for more fakeferrarinews in 2008…

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