According to German Publication, Auto, Motor und Sport, Ferrari CEO Jean Todt is more than a little disappointed. Apparently when Jean offered former 7 times World Champion Michael Schumacher the exciting prospect of being glued to a desk in the Gestione Sportiva as ‘Director’ for 16 hours a day for the next 40 or so years, Michael politely declined the kind offer.

todt-and-his-protegee.jpg Here at FFN we can’t think why. Jean has gone on record to say that Michael really was the best candidate for the job, but was unable to accept it on account that he couldn’t commit the time.

If Jean had taken the time to avidly read FFN every day, then he would have been in the position to know that Michael suffers from a severe case of ants-in-the-pants and can barely manage to keep still for more than 20 seconds at a time. Which might explain why he is forever popping up all over the globe with more regularity than sightings of Elvis.

The only way we could see it working was if the Gestione Sportiva relocated lock, stock and barrel to a high-speed bus. Thus giving Schumi the chance to drive at high speed whilst shouting orders to his minions, all while trying to stop the bus from blowing to smithereens lest it go below 50kph. He could certainly teach that Keanu Reeves a thing or three.

Michael meanwhile, is showing no signs yet of slowing down or taking his retirement seriously. In recent months Michael has tested for Ferrari at Jerez to advise the team on the way forward without traction control, given some other top drivers a run for their money in the Race of Champions at Wembley, and taken up a new hobby to add to his countless other talents – becoming a taxi driver.

The role of ‘Director of the Gestione’ and Team Principal has now gone to Stefano Domenicali, and good luck to him. Here at FFN we are quite pleased about that, if only for the fact Stefano is a damn sight better looking than some of the trolls that pass as F1 team bosses nowadays.

While the Ferrari team have been locked away inside Maranello, building a shiny new car, reorganising themselves, and playing chess (if Nick Tombazis is anything to go by) their new champion has been busy coming up with a very clever idea.

The Finn has gone out and got himself another tattoo. This time though, he has not opted for another swirly tribally meaningless thingey-me-bob, oh no. It is rumoured that Kimi has had his nickname ‘iceman’ tattooed on his lower left arm. Not only will this serve as a useful reminder to Kimi when he has had one too many vodka’s and can’t remember his own name, but he can also flash it off to any barmen in his vicinity as a useful reminder of what he likes in his favourite tipple. Who said he wasn’t a smart cookie?

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In other news, it appears that some F1 drivers are none to happy about the prospect of driving in the rain next season without the use traction control. F1 veteran David Coulthard has been leading the call by the drivers to FIA delegate Charlie Whiting to open a discourse about the best course of action should another ‘Fuji’ occur.

This has inevitably lead to a few armchair experts in chatrooms and forums using a few choice expressions regarding the current crop of F1 drivers, and much laughter at their fear of getting wet unless they dissolve.

Thinking back to 2007, we are at a loss to understand the big deal regarding the traction control anyway, considering it didn’t do much good for at least five drivers who ended up beached in the gravel trap at Nurburgring.

mad-max-and-charlie-whiting.jpgFIA supremo Max Mosley has apparently downplayed the importance of the issue declaring that it is dangerous to drive in the wet with or without the use of traction control, and goes on to suggest that even the least competent F1 driver should have no problem. We can’t for the life of us think who he is referring to, but we are pretty sure its not Jackie Stewart since he is known as the half-wit. Answers on a postcard please.

Our last thought for the day lingers on what CD Max must have playing in his car audio system, is it perhaps Rihanna’s “Shut up and Drive”?

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