michaels-fashion-statement.jpgThe penultimate day of testing at Jerez in Spain on Tuesday saw the return of Renault’s prodigal son Fernando Alonso to the fold. The Double World Champion was spotted strolling into the paddock wearing what can only be described as his grandmother’s tea-cosy on his head.

We are a little bit concerned that Fernando has been taking fashion advice from 7 times World Champion Michael Schumacher, in the fervent hope the more ridiculous the outfit the more successful he will be in his chosen profession. One only has to look to Michael’s latest offering to realise all the money in the world, a vast collection of shiny pots and a giant ‘schloss’ really cant buy you fashion sense.

Rumour has it Ferrari Team Boss Stefano Domenicali has ordered the Maranello based team to scour the inside of Kimi Raikkonen’s wardrobe for any eyeball offending checked shirts, silly hats or cowboy boots lest he start following suit.

But it would seem the knitted tea cosy worked its wonders, as Fernando managed to set the fastest time of the day out on track in the 2007 Renault much to the delight of the local fans. It’s purely coincidental that the fastest lap was secured on a new set of tyres and a very light fuel load, but we won’t let that detract from Alonso’s homecoming glory in the slightest, or from the multicoloured barnet topper.

kovaleinen-in-one-of-nandos-hats.jpgPresumably Fisichella and Kovaleinen will be wondering why on earth Fernando couldn’t have left that magical 0.6 seconds he took with him to McLaren, behind for their benefit. Kovy will have to resignedly make do with accepting Nando’s unwanted cast-offs for the second season in succession. Poor Boy. Fisichella no doubt will to be too preoccupied with team mate relations and dressing up like a man servant at Force 1ndia, to worry what Nando and Renault have been doing in his absence.

Now all season long in 2007 you may have noticed a little bit of a tabloid news war (on the scale of the armada) going on between Spain and England, over their respective F1 stars. Nary a week went past without a flurry of stories being printed on either side making outlandish claims and counter claims and generally throwing insults about like a bunch of fractious five year olds at a tea party.

Suffice to say, the waiting Spanish Media at Jerez could not wait to shoot down the pitlane and demand to know from Lamppost Lewis his reaction to Nando’s fastest lap. The British Star was left looking somewhat bemused when a rather persistent journalist demanded to know on at least two separate occasions what Lewis had thought about Nando’s time.

Naturally F1 drivers are a rather egotistical bunch on the whole, only used to talking about their favourite subject – themselves. So when some sneaky F1 hacks slips a question in about someone else, its no wonder they are left floundering about like a mackerel out of water. “What do I think to Nando?” erm “Who is Nando?”.

Lewis managed to just about mask his surprise and trot out “Good for him”, whilst obviously wondering if he was going to be plagued by a thousand and one questions on Nando for the rest of his natural life. Here at FFN we are thinking perhaps Lewis might want to publish a book on the subject entitled ‘1001 interesting facts about Nando-chops, including his favourite toothpaste’ and have done with it.

gravel-trap-take-2.jpgOn the final day of testing, there was nothing much of interest to report, Toyota’s rookie Timo Glock topped the timesheets in a session mired by the inclement precipitous conditions, and Lewis was drawn in his metallic McLaren like a magnet into the gravel trap on two separate occasions.

Apparently Lewis commented that his two trips into the stony stuff were as a result of the loss of traction control and contact with a slippery surface. And honestly has nothing to do with circulating rumours that the Brit is considering purchasing himself a beach hut, windbreaker and barbeque set since it is his favourite spot on any circuit.

In other news emerging yesterday, McLaren could be in the Mire. German Publication Auto Motor und Sport is rumoured to have suggested that Mercedes Benz are looking to buy out any of Ron Dennis’s remaining shares in the team and take control of the Woking base outfit.

It is thought that the German Automotive Giants (that’s not a football team by the way), are less than happy at the management of last season’s photocopying debacle that ended in McLaren being stripped of all their constructors championship points, fined $100 million and packed off to the end of the pitlane in disgrace.

the-ronster.jpg Unconfirmed speculation suggests that the Mercedes company is aiming to seize control of McLaren before the opening race in Melbourne Australia, and will be buying their own photocopying shop to ensure nothing like this happens again.

Where this leaves the Ronster, we haven’t got the first clue…but we are desperately upset about the far reaching repercussions of such drastic action. Who would we take the mickey out of if Ron goes? And who then would be the shining beacon of integrity in the sport? troubling times are ahead indeed.