Courtesy of http://www.TheRatter.com
Yes, it’s official, the prophets of Doom have announced that Ferrari’s 2009 season is officially over.
Following a disappointing season opener for the team in Melbourne on Sunday, the Italian press were quick to point out that they singularly failed (twice) to get maximum points or indeed seal both World Championships on their first showing.
Ferrari were plagued with reliability issues, a lack of pace and grip, some interesting on-track manoeuvres from its star drivers and a strategy that would have been perfect if it had been used during the 1996 Belgian Grand Prix and not the 2009 Australian Grand Prix.
The Tifosi (well the ones who moan a lot) blame Stefano Domenicali (pictured in the huff – above) because blaming the bloke at the top (or demanding he be replaced with immediate effect) always solves problems in sport right?
However, Domenicali (43) places the blame for Ferrari’s woes squarely at the door of Felipe Massa, the diminuitive Brazilian who nearly stuck it to Britain’s Lewis Hamilton™ last season in a gripping season finale at his home race – but for the superbly executed reversing skills of Timo Glock…..
“Isa the stupid leetle beard – is bad luck” said Stefano when pressed on his reasoning. The bespectacled Ferrari Director is referring of course to the chin fairy’s recent handywork which resulted in the appearance of the half-finished appendage currently hanging from the laughing gear of the plucky yet vertically challenged Ferrari driver.
Many paranoid F1 speculators with nothing better to do however have said that Domenicali’s protest is a smokescreen as Felipe’s “beard” is the subject of much controversy in the paddock at present. It is believed that his ridiculous “Zorro/renaissance painter” face fungus has an illegal design. Unlike Jenson Button’s slapdash affair, it is believed that Felipe’s carefully crafted crumb catcher controvenes FIA regulations as regards cockpit aerodynamics and creates unsanctioned downforce by channeling the air from his nostrils illegally down the back of his neck and into his Special Edition “Teste-rossa” Boxer shorts (see picture right). These “Rear Diffusers” of Felipe’s are currently being probed by the FIA at the time of writing and we expect them to make a firm decision about it sometime in July (the next scheduled FIA “long week-end in Paris”) when the weather’s warmer and Max has finished sueing everybody from last year and can play golf again.
During the meanwhilst, Ferrari will be understandably nervous going into this week-end’s race in Malaysia as the pressure mounts for the team to put in a good performance but more importantly,with temperatures often in the mid 40s at the Sepang circuit, you really need good airflow in your underpants!
“They were good in winter testing, but I really needed a pair that ‘cooled the jewels’ for Malaysia” said the tiny little Scuderia driver. “My beard may look bloody funny to you but I need all the airflow I can get down there” continued the pint sized pilot.
If BrawnGP continue their dominance in the desert however, I think Stefano might be buying “ickle Felipe” a Braun of his own – one with an attached nasal trimmer and a 5 year guarantee.