There is an old saying lurking somewhere in the ether, that states it is unwise for a writer to own a cat, if he or she ever intends to get any writing done. Suffice to say true to form my obstinate feline friend is not stupid, the minute I sit down at the desk to write and the persistent little beggar plonks herself down on the keyboard or mouse and wont budge for love nor money nor any amount of tasty treats.
So I hope that sometimes if I’m a bit late in posting, you understand it’s because I’ve been involved in a battle royale with an 8 month old furball for possession of a few plastic keys, and more often than not I’m the one who comes off the worst.
Yesterday was the third and penultimate day of testing for the Formula 1 fraternity at the Circuito Ricardo Tormo in Valencia Spain.
On this occasion, McLaren’s flying Finn ‘Heidi’ Kovaleinen topped the timesheets at the end of the session with a best time of 1.11.000, nearly six tenths of a second faster than Ferrari’s ickle Felipe, and 8 tenths faster than the Kimi-bot.
The session itself was fairly uneventful, with only STR’s Sebastien Vettel suffering a technical glitch, and Ferrari’s Felipe Massa stopping out on track from an impromptu scenic stroll back to the paddock. Apparently this was a result of a temperature sensor failure and not just because the Brazilian fancied topping up his tan.
The Williams team continued with good pace, with new recruit Nakajima ending the day in 5th spot ahead of Double World Champion Fernando Alone-so.
After the initial excitement at their car launch, things seemed to have gone slightly off the boil for the BMW-Sauber team. Bearded German wonder Nick Heidfeld has admitted that the team are struggling currently with the balance of their car, which probably explains a thing or three about their dismal showing so far in testing.
We can’t help but feeling that next time the team might want to concentrate more on whether the darned thing can go ok in a straight line before going hell for leather employing more fancy wings and giblets than you’d find at the average local poultry farm. Have Honda taught the F1 fraternity nothing?
Meanwhile here at FFN we had to go and lie down in a dark room all afternoon when we heard some very unlikely and startling news from within the pitlane.
According to some reliable sources, Red Bull’s resident old woman Mark Webber was claiming to be happy, for a change. Immediately we had to dispatch a reporter to find out what the deuces was going on, had Red Bull been forcing too much of their taurine-packed beverage down his throat with a funnel?
After his first initial outing in the RB4 (which looks by the way remarkably similar to the RB3 just with a slightly different shade of paint) apparently the Antipodean has claimed to be perfectly happy with the car and encouraged with the reliability and speed of his new charger. Mind you it can’t have been worse than the RB3 in 2007, which spent more time having technical glitches than Bernie Ecclestone does counting his money, or Max Mosley trading insults with former World Champions for that matter.
Naturally we are not counting chickens before they have hatched, and are holding out to see if the RB4 can last a race distance without sending the Aussie Star off into a mad rant and handbag slinging frenzy. Not that we’d blame him.
As is the natural order of things, if one person is happy you can rest assured some poor soul elsewhere is less than so. This time Toyota’s Jarno Trulli was going at it like a rabid Jack Russell with a bone. The Italian according to some media reports, has been throwing accusations about left, right and centre concerning the legality of other teams cars.
According to Jarno, some F1 teams have found a way around the new standard electronic control unit and found a way to manipulate the car’s launch procedure. This meaning that some cars would apparently be able to get off the start line faster than others.
Jarno supposedly telling F1 publication Autosprint yesterday; “I’m not saying someone’s cheating, even though we’ve received some conflicting information at Toyota,” followed by…
“But having analysed the behaviour on the track both now and in the tests in December, the changes between them are many – and in several cases suspicious.”
Presumably the Toyota driver is yet to discover what the accelerator pedal is used for, which might account for why he has been trundling around like a snail for the past decade.
One has to wonder if Toyota would actually recognise a fast starting car if they saw one, given their propensity for going backwards down the grid faster than former F1 star Juan Pablo Montoya can eat a cheeseburger.
In other news, you will be pleased to know that afore mentioned ickle Felipe has informed us all he will not be changing in his bid to become world champion. Which is just as well, because we rather like our ickle Felipe the way he is, and wouldn’t change his slightly erratic off-track excursions, verbal fisticuffs with Spaniards and chubby little chops for the world.
Its not like any previous World Champions made the effort is it? As far as we know Fernando still has a penchant for making conflicting press statements and then claiming he didn’t, Kimi still mumbles alot, and Michael Schumacher is…. still Michael Schumacher last time we checked at any rate.
Our last thought of the day concerns Ferrari’s President Luca Cordero di Montezemolo. No, no he hasn’t popped out and started benevolently sharing his forthright views with the world again, in fact things seem to have gone strangely quiet on the Maranello front and we think we might have accidentally stumbled across the sinister reason why.
Imagine my dismay early this morning when on being awoken by my feline furball and going downstairs to feed it, I made a shocking discovery amongst the cat food.
On pulling out a pouch of Whiskas Kitten Food I noticed the following word emblazoned on the front in big bold type…. “Con Cordero”….
Has our feisty family pet really just eaten the Ferrari President? Wouldn’t he be a bit tough, old and gristly for some tastes? Stay tuna’d to find out.